Hello my friends,

In response to my recent newsletter, many of you responded by mentioning how the recent assassination of Charlie Kirk has already been pulled into the vortex of outrage. How so many of you grieve this senseless act of political violence, believe it has no place in our country, and that Mr. Kirk should still be alive today, while also grieving how it has polarized us even further, and how quickly he is being remembered as a martyr by many Christians. For those who have been hurt by his words and public witness, this creates a deep ache: how can someone whose rhetoric often wounded others now be held up as a model of Christian faith? That grief is real, even if it is harder to name. This complex grief is a quagmire to navigate, let alone while trying to have conversations with others about it who do not see things this way.

How, in such a climate, do we have critical conversations with one another that lead toward healing rather than more polarization?

Outrage and the Isolation of Modern Life

Part of the challenge is that outrage has become the default posture in our culture. We rarely experience the freedom to grieve our losses or express our fears within a loving community that can hold them tenderly in their complexities. Instead, grief and pain spill out online, where algorithms are designed to amplify the most enraged and polarizing voices. This leaves us with the sense that everyone feels this way all the time and that there is no path forward.

But the truth is different. When we step away from the screen and sit face to face with another human being, sharing meals, tears, and stories, the outrage often softens. Nuance emerges. Balance and context return.

Lessons From Funerals

As a pastor who has officiated many funerals, I’ve learned something essential: when someone is grieving, it is never productive to try to convince them how wrong they are about the person they loved. Even if we believe their admiration was misplaced, grief is not the time for correction. In fact, none of us would respond well to that kind of conversation in the rawness of our mourning.

Instead, what is needed, as difficult as it may be, is patience, presence, and compassion. In time, often long after the shock of loss has subsided, people may be ready for deeper conversations. And in that moment, they can hear in ways they never could have before.

This lesson from funerals has direct relevance to our political and cultural life. When someone is grieving the loss of a public figure they admired, it will not help to meet their sorrow with our critique, especially in a public, online comment thread. To do so will not only shut down communication in the moment but may sever it permanently.

Jesus and Conversations Across Divides

Jesus himself modeled a way of engaging across deep divides without being consumed by outrage or revenge.

• With the Samaritan woman at the well (John 4), he crossed deep cultural and religious barriers to listen, to dignify her story, and to speak truth gently and personally.
• With Zacchaeus (Luke 19), a man despised for his exploitation, Jesus did not begin with condemnation. Instead, he invited himself into Zacchaeus’s home, where transformation came through relationship.
• With his disciples, who often misunderstood him or grasped for power, Jesus corrected with patience and sometimes silence, trusting that time and presence would shape them more deeply than argument alone.

Jesus shows us that listening, compassion, and embodied presence often open doors that arguments cannot.

Practical Steps for Conversations in a World of Outrage

1. Begin with lament, not argument.​
   Acknowledge the complexities of grief.
2. Resist the algorithm.​
   Step away from online battles when possible. Real transformation happens more in coffee shops and kitchens than in comment sections.
3. Choose presence over persuasion.​
   Often, the most faithful response is not to win an argument but to create the context for meaningful discussion and connection.
4. Be patient with timing.​
   Some conversations need to wait. Healing first, dialogue later.
5. Ask questions rather than making declarations.​
   Questions invite conversation. Declarations often end it.
6. Remember the humanity of the other.​
   Outrage tempts us to flatten people into their worst ideas. Love insists on seeing them as more than that.

Resources for Going Deeper

Here are some resources about navigating hard conversations faithfully and fruitfully:

• ​The Anatomy of Peace – The Arbinger Institute (on seeing others as people, not obstacles)
• ​Crucial Conversations – Patterson, Grenny, McMillan, & Switzler (practical guidance for difficult discussions)
• ​Nonviolent Communication – Marshall Rosenberg (framework for compassionate dialogue)
• ​Resisting Throwaway Culture – Charles Camosy (on human dignity and resisting polarization)
• ​Mere Discipleship – Lee Camp (on following Jesus in a world of violence and division)

Closing

In this season of outrage and grief, perhaps the most faithful thing we can do is to refuse the easy path of outrage and to keep pursuing the difficult practice of lament, patience, and presence. In doing so, we imitate Jesus, who, even on the cross, did not repay evil with evil, but entrusted himself to the God who judges justly.

Conversations across our divides may not come quickly or easily. But they are still possible. And in a world addicted to outrage, even one such conversation is a quiet miracle of grace.

A Prayer for Conversations Across Divides

Lord Jesus Christ, You are the Word made flesh,
who spoke peace into storms,
who crossed every barrier of fear and hate,
who sat at tables with both friends and enemies.
Teach us now how to speak with love.

Give us patience when we want to win,
compassion when we want to condemn,
and courage when silence feels safer.

When outrage tempts us to harden our hearts, soften us with your mercy. When grief makes our words sharp, temper us with your gentleness. When anger threatens to consume us, anchor us in your peace.

Spirit of the Living God,
guide our conversations,
heal our divisions,
and make us instruments of your reconciling love.

In the name of the peacemaker, amen.

Now I'd like to hear from you! Did you find this helpful? What thoughts came to your mind as you read? Feel free to respond to this email and share your thoughts with me. I look forward to reading them. A Daily Advent Devotional: I recently wrote a daily devotional in hopes to provide a companion for people seeking to follow Jesus in our world today during this season as we head towards Christmas. You can read more about it here: $20.00 Solace: The Birth of Hope in a Time of Longing This devotional is an ebook, crafted as a daily scripture readings and reflections that begin on the First Sunday of... Read more Get it now! ​ Ways to support: If you'd like to support this project, you can do so through one-time-gift of any amount you feel is right. You can also subscribe through a $5/mo, $15/mo, or $25/mo. Several others have also asked for a recurring gift option that is different from the ones offered here, like this one. If you'd like me to set up a different option for you, please just send me an email with the word "support" in the subject line. As always, I really want to thank all of you for reading and for all the ways you support me and this project every single week. I'm thankful for the ways we are building this together and hope it creates a lasting, positive change in our world along the way! I sincerely appreciate you all, Ben Remember, you can now view this and all previous newsletters as well as invite friends to join through this link: https://benjamin-cremer.ck.page/profile.

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