Hello my friends,

I have received so many messages from all of you since the election. Messages expressing pain, confusion, anger, fear, and grief. So this newsletter is specifically crafted for you. I hope what we reflect on together today will not only give you freedom to grieve but also bring some peace in knowing that you are not alone and we are in this together.

But before we get into that, here are some resources I would recommend for our current moment:

The season of Advent began December 1st! This season extends an annual invitation for us to reorient our hearts toward Jesus as we approach Christmas. I have written a daily devotional for this season in hopes of stoking greater hope, peace, joy, and love in our hearts as we journey together toward Jesus from Advent to Christmas. Details: What: An "ebook" of 25 daily scripture-based devotionals, designed to conclude on Christmas Day, to be downloaded and read on your favorite device. When: It is available to download now. How: Purchase access to this daily devotional by clicking the button below. $20.00 Arrival: Daily Reflections For The Season of Advent Crafted to begin on December 1st and end on Christmas Day, each of these 25 daily readings will focus on a passage from... Read more Download here! ​

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​-A Reader's Guide To Bonhoeffer Biographies. I want to recommend that you begin reading the works of Bonhoeffer if you haven't yet already, especially his "Letters and Papers From Prison," "The Cost of Discipleship" and "Life Together". The link above is a list of good biographies on him if you'd like to start there (avoid anything written by Metaxes). Years ago, they created this short video on Bonhoeffer's Theory of Stupidity, which is very much worth watching.

-The King David Meme. There is a meme comparing the president elect to King David going viral on social media. So here is my post responding to this meme.

​-Romans 13 Article. I have also been seeing Romans 13 being used a lot recently to claim that "God places all those in power" and we just need to accept this without question. I recently wrote a short commentary on Romans 13:1-7 that you might find helpful.

​-Becoming Church Podcast. I was honored to be a guest on Becoming Church where the host and my friend Kristen Young discuss the election and navigate some complicated, pastoral questions. It drops this morning.

​-The Cross and the Lynching Tree. I also want to recommend this book by James H. Cone. Really, reading Black theology right now is really worthwhile. Not only to better understand suffering in the American experience, but to gain a deeper understanding of endurance, resilience, and hope.
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Alright, onto today's content.

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​“Hope deferred makes the heart sick,

but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.”

-Proverbs 13:12

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I tried to sleep on election night, but my anxiety wouldn’t let me. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. I couldn’t sleep the next two nights after either. I still couldn’t believe what happened. My heart was sick.

I was diagnosed with PTSD in 2016, which was caused by multiple things in my past and in my ministry at the time. Part of dealing with PTSD is the constant feeling of danger lurking around every corner. When you feel anxious with PTSD, you start feeling anxiety all throughout your body. Your chest tightens sometimes to the point of feeling like you’re going to have a heart attack. Your breathing gets shallow and quick. You get dizzy and can’t think straight. Needless to say, my body and my mind are still slowly recovering from these symptoms since election night.

With PTSD, I have had to practice to not allow myself to just freeze and become overwhelmed by the narratives my mind was telling me. Whenever I encounter something unexpected or grievous, my PTSD causes my thinking to jump to every possible worse case scenario and accept them all as the only possible outcome. I have to invoke a lot of willpower and strength to pull myself back from those horrific narratives.

Here are some of the things I do:

I will remind myself that the reason things like this are so scary is that the future is totally unknown, but it is a scary unknown. So because of my protection mechanisms, my mind is trying to come up with all the answers so that I can prepare and respond appropriately. I have to remind myself that I just can’t see into the future. So I need to breath big belly breaths and bring myself back into the known present and allow myself to process my thoughts and feelings rather than burn myself out trying to answer all the unknowns. I need to find space to express and process my grief.

I will remind myself that part of the reason this moment feels so heavy is that it is due to all these huge factors that are outside of my own control. Trying to expel mental energy on fixing huge problems outside of my control will also cause me to spiral. I have to again bring myself into the present and look for things I can control and can do right now. Like write and connect with people like you. I have to remind myself that I can still only make one decision and take one day at a time. I have to remind myself that in order to do that, I need to allow myself to grieve first.

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​Why Am I Grieving?

As I process my grief, I’ve asked myself this question a lot. Why am I grieving? What is making my heart sick? These answers may not be like yours, but I wanted to share some of my thoughts as a way of possibly helping you not feel alone and process yours too.

As I said in my last newsletter, my identity as a Christian isn’t tied to a particular political party. So it isn’t because a particular party I was supporting lost that made my heart sick, it is because all the hope that felt dashed and replaced with a dread towards the future and the wellbeing of all the people I love, including the poor, the marginalized, the oppressed, and our planet.

My heart was sick because of the shock and disbelief towards my fellow citizens and their decisions. I thought I knew them better. Realizing that I didn’t not only made me feel ashamed but caused me to question my trust in them too.

My heart was sick because I allowed myself to think that our society might be moving away from patriarchy and racism, only to see how those things still influence who we are as a nation so much.

My heart was sick because accurate data and policy information just doesn’t seem to actually matter to so many people, even for people who claim to stand for the truth.

My heart was sick over how angry I was at fellow Christians who seemed insistent, not just one, not just two, but three elections to unwaveringly support someone who not only embodied everything Jesus opposed, but causes so much fear and turmoil among the very people Jesus came to serve and love. People like the poor, the marginalized, the immigrant, women, and the oppressed.

My heart was sick when I was reflecting on all the studying of history I have undertaken and how I felt like I was losing my mind watching people choose to repeat it, or choose to rhyme with history at the very least.

My heart was sick because I realized how truly exhausted I still am from pastoring through all the events since 2016 and how devastated I was at the prospect of having to endure even more in the years to come instead of trying to put it behind us a move forward together instead.

I want to encourage you to take some time to notice and process what has made your heart sick recently. Write them down and name them in order to process them more clearly.

“Hope deferred makes the heart sick."

Proverbs are simple phrases that often convey a multifaceted yet simple truth. In this proverb, it clearly conveys the pain and grief caused by a longing going unfulfilled. How something that you have hoped for with all your heart being dashed can just cause you to feel that pain to your core.

It is rather telling about our society how we allow for this kind of pain to be expressed socially for break ups, job loss, or loss of health, but when it comes to expressing religious or political loss, that expression seems immediately condemned and shamed. The longer I follow Jesus in America, the more I am convinced that the insistence that we don’t talk about, let alone grieve about religion and politics, is because of a long standing refusal to change either of those things for the sake of the people they hurt the most.

This is why it is so important for you to take all the time you need to process and express your grief. Things do need to change. There isn’t an expiration date or a timeline for how long you are allowed to process your grief. You need to grieve for as long as you need. You will only be able to move on with hope if you have processed the pain of broken hope.

"...but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.”

Reading this proverb to the end is also a way of opening ourselves up to the possibility of hope again. “But” the proverb says. One word that says so much. The sickness of the heart due to broken hope is not the end of the story. As deep and harsh and shocking as it may feel, we are reminded that there is still more. “But a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.”

This is not only an encouragement to remain faithful to pursuing the hope and longings of your heart, but it is a reminder to reflect on all the ways the past longings of your heart have been fulfilled and how life giving those fulfilled hopes are to you still. Whether it was an accomplishment, a relationship, or a completed endeavor, spend some time reflecting on those “trees of life” in your own life. Water those trees and let them give you needed healing and encouragement in your time of grief. That is where you will find your courage to keep going.

This ending also reminds us that we are not fools to continue hoping. No, we are encouraged to keep hoping, no matter how heavy or dark the present moment may feel. The reality that longings have been fulfilled in our past is a truthful reminder that they can yet again be fulfilled in our future. That is the audacity of hope. Hope is the relentless refusal to allow darkness and despair to have the last word over who we are and the world around us.

Hope is the insistence that we will not only keep moving forward towards our longings being fulfilled but we will do our best to be “trees of life,” nourishing the hope of others around us too.

I have found encouragement in remembering that all the good people in our country didn’t just disappear because of the election. I have called numerous close friends in the last two days just to hear their voice and commiserate with them to remind myself I am not alone. I remembered all the people who have been working towards humility, mercy, and justice in our society and read all their messages online that said, “we aren’t going anywhere!” It reminded me that I’m not going anywhere. I remembered that there are still millions of people in this country who aren’t going anywhere either, who also want to see a brighter, more loving, and just future for all of us.

You see, one of the biggest tactics of authoritarianism is intimidation in an attempt to exhaust and crush our hope. This means that the first line of defense against authoritarianism is hope. A shared hope. A collective hope. A hope that has allowed grief to speak and be understood. A hope that love truly will prevail.

I join you in grief and I join you in hope. I join you in pursuing the tree of life together.

Please remember that Jesus said that peacemakers would be known as the children of God.

Not the fear mongers.

Not the authoritarians.

Not the gatekeepers.

Not those who see their religion and politics as a war against those they see as enemies.

Jesus said, "Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God."

Wherever there is peace being made, there are the children of God at work.

But please know the work of peacemaking isn’t yours to do today. No, today is for you to allow the one who brings peace to do the work of peacemaking in your hearts.

You are not alone. Our work continues, but it can continue tomorrow.

Your only task is to grieve, to express your pain, and let love be spoken over you so that your hope may be renewed.

We are in this together. We will overcome.